nah

it's settled. it's the workload. i still like that guy. now if would only live up to my expectations. heh. kidding. in truth, i don't know what i want. i'm an aimless wanderer when it comes to relationships and emotions. all i do know is i need to get my shit sorted out by tuesday. shit = work.

i could feel the wild child dying. i used to be able to get drunk and run to the nearest pool/beach, strip and go skinny dipping or have some mindless sex. but nowadays, it's more of the been there done that thing. it's annoying. i need to find something that brings the spark back into my life. plus i need to forget about inhibitions and start living again. and i should stop having chicken katsu and sushi. it's getting way boring. but going on a pizza and pasta diet is stupid. i'm not into korean food either. i'm gonna start on a malaysian diet. noodles and fried rice.

and i'm thru with starbucks. they keep on screwing up my coffee. why can't the hire a blonde beach boy who's not stupid? newsflash! the beachboy thing don't apply much to new zealand. it's too fucking cold for that. blondes are stupid and totally unreliable. there was once...upon a time....where my hair stylist did something to my hair and got it blonde. i felt stupid an i became stupid for the next two weeks. then i bought a bottle of dye and made my hair dark brown. then i felt smart again. the crappy part of feeling stupid is that other people notices it too. and they tell it to ur face.

i'm feel a bit mean today. my cleaning lady told me to take down my own trash. i'm dissapointed in her. she's a bit thick. cause the trash that she wanted me to take down was for recycling. i had placed a big garbage bag at the side so i could fill it up with recycleable products which then i would get it recycled. i was trying to be environmental but she treated me as i was a hippy. i'm through with recycling. assholes.

could it be?

just when i thought that i was in some sort of love, it dies off. i guess the work load as a lot to do with it...nevertheless, it worries me. what if what i had was a mere infatuation caused by years deprivation? oh fudge. i know myself, i knew this kinda thing happens and it has happened before and that was one of the reasons i stopped dating...but for it to repeat itself. that's scary. i do like dom nicky. he's nice...really sweet. and i'm thinking it might be a good time to bail out whilst i'm still ahead. come to think of it, it might be commitment phobia.

i'm stressed out with my assignments. i haven't stopped working on them for 2 weeks straight with no break in between. i'm wasted and i believe that the educational system has abused me. damn slave drivers. i have about 4 days to complete a catalogue. which means no rest this weekend either. my alternate plan is to rough it out, to not sleep for the next two days and finish the damn thing and enjoy the 3 day weekend.

and my eyes won't stop twitching. what the hell does that mean? argh!

a date

i got a date sometime this week with andren. i'm not sure if it's alright with nicky, but it doesn't feel wrong. it's not as if i'm fucking andren. so well whatever. and honestly i'm not sure if i would make the date. i've been bumming this weekend, which means i got to work out some sweat tonight and the next week. thank god for cup noodles n fizzy beer.

adding to the list to do to dom:
[a] blind fold
[b] whipcream/syrups, preferably maple
[c] have sex by the beach, in a pool
[d] have some drug infused sex

sugar high n orgasm can't be wrong.

an interesting thought on a crappy saturday

an interesting thought sprang to mind as i was working on my assignment. so i picked up my phone and i texted nicky, "dude...have u ever thought of joining the mile high club and have me ride the friendly skies ;)?" and i swear, his response couldn't have been quicker. like a split second later, there he was...in my inbox "yea i like that in the plane. now i have a hard on and i've got 3 hours on the coach to munich."

so yea, i think i know what i'll be doing this june during winter break. get on a plane without having a thought for destination...well as long as it's up there for the next 30 -45 minutes, i'll be happy.

there are a couple of things that we've agreed on over the phone. he asked me a week ago on what my sexual fantasies were. i asked him the same old thing and we've concluded on a couple of "acts".

[a] getting tied up, or cuffed to the bedpost.
[b] filming
[c] outdoor sex
[d] role play
[e] mile high
[f] take on the karmasutra
[g] play with a dildo/vibrator

honestly, i've only known him for 2 months at most...but i feel so damn comfortable with him. it's amazing. he's much older than me, which is a turn on...a big turn on. i could get wet just thinking about him. we started of as a fling thing but it got quite emotional after a month. and i guess currently, we're sort of seeing each other. there was this one time where he told me he loved me and i freaked out and ran into his house. that was just me being silly. but hey, if he would say it now, i would be more than glad.

how often does a girl come upon a guy who buys her beer, get her cigarettes, feeds her, fucks her great, buy her toys and somehow sort of loves her? this man is a keeper. and i could possibly beat up any other woman with a rubber dildo if she tries to screw up my sex life.

anyways he's still in germany. damn this unecessary sex deprivation. give me my dick back.

humping the islands.

i have about a week of work to catch up, it's friday night - i just worked 10 hours, frankly i can't be bothered. i'm thinking too much about nicky. he's currently in germany doing some business thing so i'm left unattended. and the best thing that i could probably do right now is to finish off my beer and go to bed - however such sexual deprivation could only be cured with recollection of scenes.

as i've wrote previously, i was to meet him up north. he even got my transportation sorted out. but i was working my ass off my portfolio the night before, i sort of missed my coach the next morning. i was totally stressed out with too much work and i was convinced to (a) get out of the city and (b) get laid. hence i bought a ticket for 1pm and i texted him "dude, missed the bus. currently at starbucks having a venti mocha n pie. morning people are creepy. see ya later at 5pm". so he called, started the conversation with a big Oh! No! and i was like Yea Huh!

anyways to cut the story short, i finally got there at 5.30pm. he was there waiting for me with this massive grin on his face. you know, one of those sarcastic grins. [oh i hate bus rides. and by that time i was tired n slightly aggitated] but amazingly that boy knows my heart's desire. we went beer shopping. 20 minutes later, i was happily gulping down massive amounts of liquid gold. and we talked for the longest time whilst watching the simpsons n beer drinkin.

if memory serves me right, we had two double beds in the room. and he was sitting on the other bed. i mean, dude!! so further along the conversation, i told him to come on over [tv was in front of me anyways] cause it's kinda hard talking to him from all the way there. so 12 bottles of beer and 3 episodes of simpsons later, we were both lying on the bed, talking....can't remember what. and then all of a sudden, he leaned down...looked me in the eye for what it seemed like the longest time and whispered, "can...i kiss u?" and before i know it there we were, lips locked together, things were starting to get a little bit warmer and i was a nervous wreck. 2 years and 11 months of absolute abstinence could do that to a girl.

but there was this huge amount of yearning burning inside, that i soon forget all about being nervous. we started kissing really hard and as our lips were still united, i reached for his belt and started to unbuckle em. he started caressing my breasts which sent chills down my spine...so good was he with his hands, he soon took off my bra and started suckling on me. he started to get really aroused as i moaned louder n louder by each passing second. i reached for his dick and i so know he's fully erected. oh a sizeable dick. i clumsily unzipped his pants, tuggin it down...and then i gave him a handjob. he gave out this manly groan and he kissed me even harder. abruptedly, he got up and started taking off every last piece of clothing on him and i. we quickly rummaged through the drawer for condoms and then we were on. i was a bit tight from years of not fucking. he penetrated me slowly and it hurt a little but i was so wet by that time that it took him only a while to make it all the way in. the slight pain, the rough tumble on the bed, the raw emotions - it was such a huge turn on. he started gentle and slow as to set the pace, then he got faster and faster. the savageness and the weight of him on me was enough to send me through waves of orgasm. and i screamed in pleasure. it was not long later that i came again but this time he came along with me. we fucked like 3 times that night. by then we were both wasted...he held onto me tight and we spooned together before we fell asleep. by then i knew, i would never consider celibacy ever again.

a kiwi encounter.

i was on a sex drought for 2 years and more. and it was horrendous. looking back now, i have no idea how i managed through it. however i know that part of it was caused by [what i thought was] a good relationship that ended quite painfully. but that was years ago back in 2002 and maybe one day i'll pour it all out but for the time being, i'd rather write about the man that brought me through chastity. a great man; both well gifted and talented in more ways than one.

one night my house mate got me to head down to the bar with her. i was reluctant at first at the thought of a dodgy looking bar compared to where i usually go to - more upscale bars/clubs. when i was sworn into celibacy - alcohol n drugs were my only retreat. it was an 'aloha' night at the bar which meant a free pool filled with vodka and a 2 for 1 priced pints. so i went. my housemate went before me because i had a few art work to get done. when i got there, the bar was full and it took quite a while through drunken human traffic before i found them sitting around an alcohol drenched table. she was there with some other of her friends from a language school, plus her beau was there too. so soon enough, she left for the dance floor with ranae. i was there with a bunch of people that don't know much english. it was excrutiating to have to repeat myself five times to those boys.

but to my far left, there was a group of people with name tags stuck to their shirts and i was quite curious on why they were wearing them. so i approached the guy sitted nearest to my left. i was like, dude, what's up with the name tag. so he explained that he was from this tourism company and it was a tourism night for them and so on and so forth. so we talked somemore and that was it. somehow he didn't ask for my number. he gave me his business card with his personal phone number on it and he made me promise to call him. in an hour or so he left for a burger with his colleagues. and i was waiting for my housemate. we were there for another 30 -45 minutes before we left for a whopper meal ourselves. and there he was eating his grub at burger king. we joined his table but he was seated far off from me. my housemate and i were talking on a bunch of bullshit when he was up to leave. but before he did, he came up to me and said 'remember to give me a call' signaling me to call him all the way to the exit.

and usually i'm not into this 'give me a call' crap from the bar. but celibacy was taking a toll, he was cute and he was much older than i was....which i find to be very sexy. so i got my phone and texted him 'hi awesome nick, here's my number n it was nice talking to ya'. then i got a text from him and soon we were on our first date.

throughout the whole date, i had an irresistable urge to jump on him, rip his shirt of and hump him like a rabbit. there was just something about him. it might have been the male cologne that i have sorely missed, it might have been his age or his incredible body...or it could have been his car. whatever it was, it convinced me to take a short trip up to the north with him. and that's when the doors of chastity flew open and orgasms broke loose. ooh carnal bliss.